Career Change & Executive Coaching

These are some real-life examples:

Disposed of £2.5 billion in assets.

Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a supermarket chain.

My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.

Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.

I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

I am a rabid typist.

Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.

Proven ability to track down and corect errors.

Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.

I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.

References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me.

Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.

My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my CV on my office voice-mail.

Qualifications: No education or experience.

Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.

Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head.