Career Change & Executive Coaching

OFFICE DICTIONARY...

"APPLY IN PERSON": If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for CVs is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANISATION": I've used Microsoft Office.

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE": I pilfer office supplies.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES": I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK": I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M PERSONABLE": I give lots of unsolicited personal advice.

"I AM ADAPTABLE": I've changed jobs a lot.

"I AM ON THE GO": I'm never at my desk.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED": The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY": We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED": Female applicants must be childless (and better remain that way).

Add your own examples of the 'office dictionary' by clicking on 'COMMENTS'.

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